Here with Me
by PyroKid
Summary: Conan has been missing for two months since attempting to wipe out the Organization's base single-handedly. ConanxAi. WIP, slow progress. Part 3 up: Back to Ai, mulling on a stormy night.
1. Here With Me

It's been a long, long time since I looked into the mirror

I guess that I was blind

Now my reflection's getting clearer

Now that you're gone things will never be the same again

The bright digits of the clock radiated a soft blue glow, announcing the current time, 1:58. Partially illuminated by the moonlight, a small figure sat in bed, fully conscious and deep in thought. Her cold, expressionless mask faded to reveal a sad, pensive face. _Come back..._

There's not a minute that goes by every hour of every day

You're such a part of me

But I just pulled away

Well, I'm not the same girl

You used to know

I wish I said the words I never showed

*Flashback*

She was leaning against the wall, reading The Biochem Journal when it happened. 

"A...Ai," Conan began softly, addressing her like that for the first time, "can I talk to you?"

"Sure," Haibara replied, not taking her eyes off the Neurophysics article.

"I...like you," Conan stammered.

The small figure stiffened. Ai could feel her arms clench as she tightened her grip on the magazine. She held it as if it were the only thing that kept her in place as her heart beat faster and faster. Her head snapped up, making eye contact with Conan, an unfathomable combination of emotions surfacing in her eyes. Slowly, she retreated into her bedroom and closed the door behind her, leaning against it. _How could you? After I ripped you from your perfect life...am I dreaming? Do I want this so badly I'm hallucinating about it?_

*End*

Ai wrapped her arms securely around her pillow and buried her face in it. "I wish I could've told him..." she whispered into her pillow, the words coming out a muffled jumble.

I know you had to go away

I died just a little, and I feel it now

You're the one I need

I believe that I would cry just a little

Just to have you back now

Here with me

Tears began to gather from the corners of her eyes. _Tears? Shiho Miyano doesn't cry_, she told herself as she closed her eyes, forcing the tears back.

You know that silence is loud when all you hear is your heart

And I wanted so badly just to be a part of something strong and true

But I was scared and left it all behind

Blood rushed to her head, the pounding of her heart ringing in her ears. _I want it, more than anything else, more than I've ever wanted anything, but...I think I was afraid. No one had ever loved me before, and I was afraid that I'd screw it up. Afraid that I wouldn't know how to act._ She clutched the pillow tightly, wishing she'd had the courage to tell him.

I know you had to go away

I died just a little, and I feel it now

You're the one I need

I believe that I would cry just a little

Just to have you back now

Here with me

Here with me

The tears brimming in her eyes threatened to spill out as she thought about him. _Shiho Miyano doesn't cry_, she repeated, tilting her head upward and staring out the window at the pale moon.

And I'm asking

And I'm wanting you to come back to me

Please?

_Don't leave me; I need you. Come back..._

I never will forget that look upon

Your face

How you turned away and left

Without a trace

But I understand that you did what you had to do

And I thank you

As she sat in bed, eyes closed, she saw Conan's face, a sad, shocked expression arranging his features. "Then I'll wait for you," he'd said before returning to his room.

*Flashback*

When she entered the kitchen, she found a note on the table addressed to "Ai". Conan had found a few clues, enough so that he had a good idea of where the Organization's Japanese base was, and had gone to investigate by himself.

*End*

That was two months ago... She knew that the chances of his survival after such a long period without contact were slim. But she sat in bed, unwilling to let go. She wouldn't let go. She _couldn't_ let go. She just lay awake in bed every night, wishing that she'd had the courage to tell him, to say it. 

"I love you, Shinichi..." she whispered into the darkness.

I know you had to go away

I died just a little, and I feel it now

You're the one I need

I believe that I would cry just a little

Just to have you back now

Here with me

Here with me 

A single tear escaped, trailing down her cheek, and finally making contact with the white covers. _Shiho Miyano doesn't cry... but maybe... Ai Haibara does_.


	2. Here without You

A/N: First of all, a million thanks to CocoCatz, who gave me the idea for a sequel to 'Here with Me' in her review. Thanks to all reviewers! This is the sequel to 'Here With Me', but it pales in comparison to Here With Me ('pales in comparison'? It totally sucks!!), but if you want to read it... I think the reason is that I hadn't planned for Here With Me to have a sequel, but then CocoCatz mentioned it, and I guess I was "subconsciously thinking about it", and then saw these lyrics...   
  
"If they had two whole months, that's more than enough time to find out about "Conan's" location and find Haibara..." Yeah, yeah, this is a song fic. The story has to mold to the lyrics, hence song fic. (No one actually sent a review like that; I just want to explain why there are *major* plot holes, etc.)  
  
Artist: 3 Doors Down  
  
Album: Away from the Sun  
  
Song: 'Here without You'  
  
(Sequel to song fic 'Here with Me')  
  
A hundred days have made me older   
  
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face.   
  
A thousand lies have made me colder   
  
And I don't think I can look at this the same.   
  
All the miles that separate  
  
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face.   
  
A lone figure sat on the bench, the only furnishing in his 'room', back against the wall, arms clasped around his bent legs, head resting on his knees. I've only been gone for two months, but... it seems like I've spent a hundred days - no, an eternity in here. I'm only alive because they're convinced that I know something about you...  
  
*Flashback*  
  
Groggily, he sat up and opened his eyes, then shut them quickly to avoid the painful glare of the light. Cautiously, he re-opened them, turning his head away from the light source, observing his surroundings. He was bound to a chair, in a bare room.  
  
"Kudo...glad you're with us," a voice spoke from behind the light. The speaker's physical attributes were undistinguishable due to the strong light, but Conan didn't need to see him. The voice belonged to Gin.  
  
"...Mister...my name's Edogawa," Conan attempted in a childish voice.   
  
"Okay, Kudo. I'm only saying this once, and I don't care if you continue with that 'I'm a little kid, don't hurt me' crap. Because you are the only one who has survived the APTX pill, you will most likely be subject to... testing. That's not to say it'll be uncomfortable, if you're willing to give us some information. I'd like to know where she is," Gin paused expectantly.  
  
" 'She'?" Conan repeated, seemingly puzzled.  
  
"Don't bother trying to protect her; she's no use to you now. Even if she manages to create a cure for your current condition, you'll never get around to taking it. Besides, she's the cause of all this. Don't you want revenge, to make her pay for what she's done to you?" Gin ended in a sly, wheedling voice.  
  
In your dreams, you evil b*stard, he thought, I'll never tell you. Aloud, he continued his pretense of ignorance. "My 'current condition'? Mom took me to the doctor's last week, and he said I was fine," Conan insisted.  
  
The high-pitched, childish voice was beginning to annoy Gin. "Now, Kudo. I want the information now, or you'll spend the rest of your life begging for a minute's respite in which you will tell me everything. It's just a matter of time; how long it takes to break you.  
  
You'll never break me. Do what you will, make your futile attempts, he mocked, I'd kill myself before betraying her. He remained silent. "...I'm not quite sure what you're talking about..." he finally managed.  
  
"Fine," Gin snapped. "We'll see about that. Vodka, take him to his cell. If he refuses to cooperate, the usual rules apply," Gin paused, waiting until Vodka stood right behind him, then finished the orders in a whisper so soft that even Conan's sharp ears couldn't make out the words.  
  
*End*  
  
But I'll never give them the information they want. They've tried almost everything to break me, but it'll never happen. I'll never betray you. I would kill myself before risking your exposure, but they've made sure I'm powerless to do so. He stretched out on the bench and turned his head to gaze at the stars, revealing a dirty face smeared with blood.   
  
I'm here without you, baby   
  
But you're still on my lonely mind.   
  
I think about you, baby, and I dream about you all the time.   
  
I'm here without you, baby   
  
But you're still with me in my dreams   
  
And tonight, it's only you and me.   
  
I'm here without you, but you're always on my mind, he thought, remembering the countless times he detached himself from the pain during questionings by just thinking about Haibara.   
  
The miles just keep rolling   
  
As the people leave their way to say hello   
  
I've heard this life is overrated   
  
But I hope that this gets better as we go.   
  
As time passes, the distance between us increases as well. Maybe, somehow, I'll escape and return to you... I'm just glad that I was able to tell you before...I die. Conan sighed, accepting the inevitable. Ultimately, when they realized that he would never crack, they would kill him.   
  
I'm here without you baby   
  
But you're still on my lonely mind.   
  
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time.   
  
I'm here without you baby   
  
But you're still with me in my dreams   
  
And tonight, it's only you and me.   
  
I'm here without you, but you're with me in my dreams every night. Interlacing his fingers behind his head, he shifted his gaze from the stars and stared at the ceiling.   
  
Everything I know, and anywhere I go,   
  
It gets hard but it won't take away my love.   
  
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done.   
  
It gets hard but it won't take away my love.   
  
No matter how brutal the next questioning is, they won't break me, they can't take away my love for you. That's all that's keeping me sane during this whole nightmare: the thought of you, safe and out of their clutches. As long as you're safe, nothing they do to me matters. No matter what it is they do, it won't take away my love... Conan turned his head from the stars and closed his eyes.  
  
I'm here without you baby   
  
But you're still on my lonely mind   
  
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time   
  
I'm here without you baby   
  
But you're still with me in my dreams   
  
And tonight, girl, it's only you and me.  
  
I'm here without you, but you're always on my mind, always with me in my dreams... Slowly, his mind cleared, his breathing slowed, and he drifted off into his dreams. 


	3. Where Are You Now?

**Where Are You Now?  
**PyroKid  
05.23.04  
  
DC belongs to Gosho Aoyama, not me.  
Song by Michelle Branch, not me.

Maybe I'll be better on my own  
No one ever seems to understand me  
It's easier for me to be alone  
Until a piece of me that feels so empty  
I've been all over the world  
I've seen a million different places  
But through the crowds and all the faces  
I'm still out there looking for you  
  
_Maybe I'll be better on my own… I'm that kind of person, the socially inept who spends life in textbooks and research; it's easier for me to be alone. It's easier for me to be alone._ Haibara looked out the window at the turbulent outside world, the endless sheets of rain reducing the scene to a grayscale picture. _…If it's easier for me to be alone, why do I feel so hollow, so lonely? No matter where I go, I'm always searching the crowds for you; no matter what I do, I'm always sifting my memories for your face…_ She turned attention from the swaying trees as a flash of lightning illuminated her features.

Where are you now?  
I'm trying to get by  
With never ever knowing at all  
What is the chance  
Of finding you out there  
Do I have to wait forever?  
  


She opened the window, the roar of thunder increasing in volume.

_Where are you, Shinichi? I try to cope with not knowing, but in the recent weeks I've found that I can't. I mean, what are the chances of locating you out there in the world? Do I have to wait forever, in vain? _

I write about the things I'll never know  
And I find a moment just to slow down  
Makes me think I'll never have the chance  
To figure out  
What it's all about  
So tell me  
What it's all about 

Staring out at the torrents, a memory floated into her mind.

Flashback

She was sitting at the bare desk, typing on the laptop, writing a diary entry. "I don't know where he is, or if he's even alive!" she shouted in a frustrated voice as she rose abruptly from her seat. "…and it's driving me crazy." She finished softly as she slowly walked the five feet to her bedside and sat down, as if shocked by her own acknowledgment. _…and the fact that I may never know is slowly killing me…_ she added mentally, _so tell me; give me some sign…_

End   
  
Cause  
Where are you now?  
I'm trying to get by  
With never ever knowing at all  
What is the chance  
Of finding you out there  
Do I have to wait forever?

_Where are you? Without knowing, every minute seems like a year, every day an eternity. Without a single clue, there's nothing I can do; the reach of the Organization stretches far, into the corners of the world; you could be anywhere… _

Where are you now?  
I'm trying to get by  
With never ever knowing at all  
And I still don't know  
  


_The thought of never knowing… _

The rain continued beating on her face, drenching her hair and soaking her shirt. Turning her face to the heavens, she thought: 

Where are you now?  
I'm trying to get by  
With never ever knowing at all  
What is the chance?  
Of finding you out there  
Do I have to wait  
Do I have to wait forever? 

Sighing, she turned away, tears streaking her rain-splashed face. Behind her, a shadow rose across the sky in a gathering of dark clouds.


End file.
